January 27, 2015 is the day that my mom passed. She had glioblastoma multiforme aka brain cancer. Every year, around this time, I celebrate her memory by posting something on Facebook or Instagram. It never seems to be enough though. I write small paragraphs to try to get out my feelings and it never seems sufficient.
This year, she’s been on my mind so heavy that I thought maybe today is the day that I finally listen to one the many voice messages that she left me and that I saved. I hadn’t been able to listen in all this time. It’s just been too hard.
As I stood in the shower tonight, I broke down because I just really needed my mom; to hear her, to feel her…to just be around her. So, I opened up one of the files to listen to her voice.
This was the hardest thing I’ve had to do since she left me. The message was her telling me that she was worried that she hadn’t heard from me. She was hoping that I was okay and to please call her.
I’m calling now, mom. Can you hear me? I miss you too. Just give me a call when you get this message. I love you with all my heart.
One day, I’ll be able to share these messages with my kids without falling apart. They’ll be able to hear your voice asking how they were and how much you loved them. I don’t want them to ever forget you. I love you. Thank you for everything you gave me and sacrificed for me. Thank you for loving me.