Uninspired

I find myself feeling totally uninspired. This is quite a contradiction as I am writing this because of a sudden inspiration to tell the world about how uninspired I am. (Weird)

Anyway, years ago, it was easy to put together a paragraph, a page, or a chapter. Now it’s difficult to even string two words together without having to use a dictionary. Inspiration used to flow from my fingertips onto paper, later to a keyboard where words were given life – like water – to anyone who would willingly partake of its goodness. I loved to write words describing my life and every intricate detail – it was juicy.

I don’t know if it’s the dis-ease that I have now which makes me mundane, dull, lackluster and oddly droll, but I want more. I want my old life back. I want laughter and dancing. I want poetry and fiction.

I want to feel life but how do I do this? How do I get my groove back?

How I Became a Purple Butterfly

So, I found out from my doctor that I have Lupus – along with Sciatica and arthritis and a few other ailments. Funny, I was only going in to get some medication for my bad knees and back and well…that escalated quickly. I was immediately placed on three new medications and given a prescription for physical therapy. Then, I was sent on my way home.

I sat in the car for a while, contemplating what she’d just told me. I had very little knowledge on the disease and hadn’t been given anything other than the medication from the doctor – not even a pamphlet. I guess I could’ve asked more questions at the time, but what was I supposed to ask? I didn’t think it was fatal. So, I did like anyone else with a computer would do – I went home and Googled it.

I found out that people don’t die from Lupus; however, they may die from the complications. I also found out that everyone is different, so different medications work differently for everyone.

For years I’d had symptoms which couldn’t be diagnosed, such as painful body spasms, migraines, fatigue, swelling and pain in my joints, pain in places that didn’t make sense. During that time, other doctors would only give me pain meds or muscle relaxers to help me rest.

The truly amazing thing that happened though with this diagnosis is that EVERYTHING that I went through made sense now. All of it could now be lumped into one category and be explained. I could now explain to my friends and family that I was crazy or lazy or faking my pain. It was a real problem. Now, I could give it to God.

It truly is an eye-opening experience that makes you appreciate life and contemplate mortality. I have learned not to stress about so many things anymore. I will either find a solution to the problem or be all right that there isn’t one or that it is out of my reach.

I’ve decided to document some of my thoughts as it pertains to my illness because I’ve found that writing is therapeutic.

Thank you for coming on this journey with me. ❤

Giving Praise

This morning I woke up with so many problems on my mind and on my heart.  I keep trying to figure out how I’M going to get through some of my issues. Then, I heard all the birds outside chirping and singing – just making a lot of noise – beautiful noise though.  I was kind of irritated because they had taken me away from my thoughts.  So, I started wondering about what was so important that they had to wake up that early in the morning with such a ruckus.

It then occurred to me.  Birds wake up giving praises; for being carried through the night, for waking up in the morning able to see the sun, being with family, for not being hungry and for the ability to fly. Well, at least that’s my interpretation.  There’s a lot that we can be upset about, but there is so much more to be thankful for. Keep giving God praise. He’s brought you this far for a reason.

 

Love, Me (and the birds)

Thankful

This morning, I woke up thankful. Thankful to God for having a sound mind, use of my limbs, and the ability to see.  I’m thankful for the Lord keeping my family safe through the night while the storms raged outside.  I’m thankful for having a roof over my head, food to eat, and clothes to wear.  Lord, I’m so unworthy – I know, so I’m thankful that you have covered me with your grace and your mercy yet another day.  OURDAILYJOURNEY_NOV_11b-940x940

I am thankful for so much today.  I recognize that without knowing the Lord, I would be nothing, I would have nothing, and I would constantly be yearning for fulfillment of things of this world.  I am not of this world, Lord.  I belong to You. I give all the glory and all the praise to You, Lord.  All that I am and all that I do is because of how You made me – fearfully and wonderfully. I will sing Your praises until I no longer have a voice and even then You will hear my soul shout Your name, Lord.

Forever Your loving servant,

Sonja

 

 

Don’t Quit!

Golden-GrizzlySo, today I will reopen my Etsy shop after an 8-month hiatus.  I realized that I needed to dedicate myself to my studies for these past two semesters in order to succeed…and I did!! While I didn’t get an ‘A’ in either class, my success was in passing both with a B.  Those were the most challenging classes I’ve had in my education thus far.  Mid semester, I thought about quitting because nothing made sense and I had received my first failing grade on an exam.  I reached out to my professor and she talked me out of it.  She reminded me that I was able to throw out one exam.  She went further and explained that the exam was difficult for the majority of the class and then gave me some pointers on how to succeed.  After tweaking my methods of studying, I was able to focus and pass my next two exams with a B.

It is so necessary in a person’s educational journey to have someone that they can talk to, be it a spouse, a friend, sibling or professor.  Reach out to someone if you feel like it is too heavy.  As the African proverb states, “It takes a village to raise a child.”  I am a child of God and my village truly came through for me.

Pictures of new (and old) jewelry pieces will be posted soon!!

#ThisisOU

 

 

Windows

Searching Pinterest (as totally random as that generally is), I came across pictures of beautiful window sills. The first one I came across, I stared at for a while. For some reason it reminded me of my mom. It wasn’t perfect – it was raining outside, but it just seemed so peaceful and beautiful in its simplicity and even though she’s no longer here with me – it reminded me of how full of life she was while here.

It got me to thinking. What’s inside my window? Is what’s inside -warm and inviting? Is it clean? Can I even see out or is my window so clouded and dirty that I not only can I not see out of it, will others be able to see into it? It may be time to do some maintenance. What about you?  What do your windows look like?

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My Roots

I’ve had my mom on my mind for days. I miss her so much. She passed in January and it’s been so hard for me just realizing that she’s not here. I was so used to being able to call her just to say hello- knowing she would be there.

My friend wrote on her Facebook page the other day about how much she misses her grandparents and her parents. She said that although she has a strong group of support from family now, it’s not the same as having her roots. It’s what I had been trying to verbalize this whole time. I don’t have my roots. No grandparents, no parents – It’s just me. There’s no parachute, no Plan B. If I fail, then I fail and it’s just me – but when I succeed… well at least I can give them thanks. Thanks for raising me to be who I am. Thanks for giving me the love and guidance I needed when you were here, and thanks for introducing me to God.

God has been my rock. He has been my shoulder to cry on in the middle of the night when my support team is asleep. He’s always awake and He always listens.

He also let me know this morning that I now have to follow the examples of my parents and grandparents. I now have to become “the roots” for my children. I have to instill in them the goodness of the Lord. I have to establish in them, a foundation in Christ. If I didn’t have God in my life right now, I know that I wouldn’t make it. Life has dealt me some pretty hard blows, but I’m still standing…But God. I give Him the glory and the praise. He is the reason I woke up this morning.

So today will be my Day 1. I am going to embrace the lessons I have been taught by my “roots” and I am going to share them with my seedlings, so that they continue to develop and grow into the Light.

good morning.