Journaling, Lupus

Another Flare

lupusbutterflyLupus has a way of masking itself as other ailments. In the past, I’ve had to go to opthamologists because I briefly lost sight in my eyes. They said it was swelling, gave me some medicine and told me to come back in a few days. When I lost hearing in both my ears, the audiologist said it was swelling in my ears, gave me some medicine and told me to come back in a few days. Once, my heart felt as if it was going to explode. It felt like it was too big for my chest (only way to define the pain). The emergency room physician said the tests determined that my heart was fine, the EKG didn’t show anything but gave me some Dilaudid and sent me home. It was if I’d made it up in my head, but I didn’t. So, now I just don’t go to the doctor whenever something happens. I figure it’s probably Lupus.

A couple of days ago, I started to get some swelling in my left foot. I took a couple of Extra Strength Tylenol. I figured it would just go away. It didn’t. As a matter of fact, the pain began to travel up my left side and rested in my lower pelvic area. That’s when the pain sat me down. Yesterday, I woke up and the pain was in the left side of my chest, near my heart (again). I never assume it’s a heart attack anymore, but always assume it’s Lupus.

I get tired of doctors watching me having total body spasms or pains that are out of reach inside my body and them saying that they don’t understand why it’s happening and would rather just give me prescriptions for pain, and inflammation and also muscle relaxers just to get me out of their faces. I get it. This is why I don’t go whenever I feel bad. I just take my medicines and rest. There’s really nothing else they can do. There’s no cure.

The only drawback to taking those meds is that they are so strong, I am unable to take care of myself or anyone else. I can’t do any work because it’s hard to string two thoughts together. I don’t like the high. I don’t get how people want to feel like that. It feels like an out of body experience – like things are happening around you and you can’t do anything about it.

Well, I’m writing this blog as I am coming out of the high from this last round of drugs. Some of the pain is still there, but I can function better now. I’m still a little dizzy, able to write, but not much else. I won’t push it.

Lupus sucks. Please pray for a cure.

Chronicles of a SAHM, Lavender Fields Creations, Saving Money

Multiple Streams of Income

For the last few weeks, my goal has been to acquire multiple streams of income.  I’ve already had my Lavender Fields Creations  store up and running for the last four years, which has brought me so much creative (and financial) joy.  To be able to create something that someone else not only likes, but wants to purchase, is incredible. However, I’d like to pay off my school loans within the next couple of years. My one income is not going to make that happen. 0D692A54-578A-464B-A51F-558FDBCB89AC

I began my journey looking for a “work from home” job.  I’ve taken numerous assessment tests and applied to just as many jobs – probably more.  I’m currently hired at three different companies doing jobs such as; a resourcer, a proofreader, and data entry clerk.  The only downside to being hired to those positions is that there are so many other people who have also gotten hired for those same positions.  Unless you have seniority at their company, it’s really hard to find regular work.  I told my husband that it’s like playing double dutch with my eyes closed – I never know when it is a good time to jump in.  For one company, I have to sit in a queue and wait for work to be assigned to me.  Then, I have only twenty seconds to approve it or it will be assigned to someone else.  For three days, I sat and waited for eight hours in front of this computer and was never assigned.  Thankfully, I have a large monitor so I was able to use my split screen to  continue doing other work while I waited.  I’m not so sure how that will work out, but I won’t quit.

For another job, I get an email nightly to let me know if work will be available for the next day.  I’m on day three with that and no luck.  I see that there are people whose seniority is definitely a benefit.  I get it.  I just need the opportunity to hone my skills by working and get my seniority.

So until something comes along,  I will continue making jewelry, blogging, and writing my book.  I’m even thinking about a YouTube channel for jewelry making.  In any case, I will keep the faith. God didn’t bring me this far to leave me.

Check out my jewelry store while you’re here.  I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

Chronicles of a SAHM, Thinking of Mom

Moisturize, Moisturize, Moisturize!

As often as I can, I like to watch The Wendy Williams Show.  She is so entertaining.  Okayyy? “How you doin?”  Anyway, she always talks about how she keeps her skin from looking old and cracked (my words) but she recommends that women of a certain age need to always moisturize.

I’ve never been one to use anything other than Vaseline on my face, since I was knee-high to a grasshopper.  My cleansing regimen was to splash water on my face, dry with a towel and slather Vaseline on it.  It had always worked for me. I’d never had acne, pimples, or dry skin – until now.  I’m not sure if it’s Lupus, my caffeine intake, or just my age but lately, the Vaseline has not be enough.

Fortunately, while I was on a girl’s trip last month, my bestie had brought along some of her moisturizer.  I’m always skeptical about putting anything on my face, because the few times that I used something other than water and Vaseline, my face broke out.

Anyway, I tried some of her Curel Hydrotherapy Itch Defense Wet Skin Moisturizer and now I’m sold. This is the best my skin has looked and felt in years.  When I touch my face, I can tell a difference – it’s softer.  I wish that I would’ve taken a before and after picture of my face.  I had no idea though.  I use it as directed – after a shower – and I tell you… amazing results.  Though I didn’t have itchy skin, which seems like the purpose of this moisturizer, I did have dry “seasoned” skin. LOL  It just looks and feels so much better. IMG-9202

Now I just use the Vaseline on my children’s skin.

Just wanted to share my find for the day.  If you have any tips or secrets for women over “a certain age,” please share!

Chronicles of a SAHM, Journaling, Lupus, organization

Sketch Notes

I really love these sketch notes.  They allow me to be creative while writing my grocery lists, my to-do lists or just my every day thoughts.  Who knew that what we called doodling in school would become a “thing”?

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Credit to Dana Ladenburger, Twitter

Lupus sometimes creates what they call “brain fog.”  It’s when you have problems concentrating or remembering something. It can be frustrating because it happens at the most inconvenient time (as if there is a good time to forget or lose concentration). So, I’m constantly writing notes on sticky notes to remember stuff, but then misplace them…or my daughter decides they’re hers and writes on them.  I have what seems like a million note pads with letters and reminders to myself. However, since using this method introduced to me by my husband, it no longer feels like a chore when I have to write something down.  It allows me to use both sides of my brain. I can write down the necessary information in a logical fashion, but then I get to highlight them in pretty colors and make pictures to help remind me of the important points. Pretty cool.

We’ll see how long this method lasts.  I’m always up for new things, but then someone else shows me another “shiny object” and I get distracted.  Until the next time…

 

Chronicles of a SAHM, Journaling, organization

INSPIRED TO ORGANIZE

 

So after watching a friend’s Youtube video, The Winey Budget  I was inspired to get organized.  That notion passed quickly though as I am a creature of chaos

I have purchased notebooks, planners, phone apps – all with the intent on getting organized.  I’ve watched videos, searched Pinterest for ideas and created calendars of every size …to no avail.  I doubt I will ever be as organized as I’d love to be, but until then, I’ll keep trying.

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This is just the right side of my desk!

Last night, my husband gave me a bullet journal that I told him that I had seen on Pinterest. I’ve actually started using it – not because I know what I’m doing, but because I know he will ask me about it later.   My husband is also responsible for setting up my office in my basement.  AND OF COURSE my monitor size is ridiculous – a man set it up! (You should see the TV in the family room!)

Anyway, I’m trying to juggle this thing called stay-at-home mom’ing that people think is such an easy task.  Well, I’ve worked from the time that I was fifteen up until the time that I retired and let’s just say this stay-at-home stuff is way harder. Before I retired, I worked 8-10 hours in a scout car, went home, cooked, ate and went to bed.  Now, I have to schedule one day to myself every month just to decompress from the ridiculousness of my unorganized life. So, I need to get my stuff together.  I mean, I saw it on TV!  Moms cleaning, cooking, doing laundry while wearing high heels and mascara, taking kids to their activities, then coming home and being “wife”… and they did all of this with a smile. What the heck am I doing wrong?

I’m supposed to be retired. Yet, here I am doing all of the abovementioned activities, being a girl scout mom, a dance mom, a swim mom and a small business owner. So yeah, I’m a work in progress. Follow me on my adventure as I get my life in order or die trying. LOL

Thinking of Mom

Missing You

January 27, 2015 is the day that my mom passed.  She had glioblastoma multiforme aka brain cancer.  Every year, around this time, I celebrate her memory by posting something on Facebook or Instagram.  It never seems to be enough though.  I write small paragraphs to try to get out my feelings and it never seems sufficient.

This year, she’s been on my mind so heavy that I thought maybe today is the day that I finally listen to one the many voice messages that she left me and that I saved. I hadn’t been able to listen in all this time.  It’s just been too hard.

As I stood in the shower tonight, I broke down because I just really needed my mom; to hear her, to feel her…to just be around her.  So, I opened up one of the files to listen to her voice.

This was the hardest thing I’ve had to do since she left me.  The message was her telling me that she was worried that she hadn’t heard from me.  She was hoping that I was okay and to please call her.

I’m calling now, mom.  Can you hear me?  I miss you too. Just give me a call when you get this message.  I love you with all my heart.

One day, I’ll be able to share these messages with my kids without falling apart.  They’ll be able to hear your voice asking how they were and how much you loved them.  I don’t want them to ever forget you. I love you. Thank you for everything you gave me and sacrificed for me. Thank you for loving me.

Sonja

 

 

Chronicles of a SAHM

I Need a Better Hiding Place

Stay-at-Home-Moms (SAHMs) typically look forward to the end of the day, when every one and every thing is quiet. That’s when we go to our hiding place. My hiding place happens to be my bathroom. I can close the door and think, or dream, or beautify, or just sit quietly and meditate.

Recently however, my hiding place has become no longer that. It has been compromised. This is what has been happening lately:

As I’m sitting on my vanity chair, I hear from a distance, “Mommm.” It’s my five year old daughter. She should be sleep, but has decided that finding out my location is a top priority- as I had not received clearance from her to disappear. I know she’s coming, so I sit as still and stay as quiet as I can.

“Mommmm. Dad, where’s mom?” I listen for his response, because of course, he’s got my back – I am he, he is me. We are one. And of course, he knows it’s after her bedtime and he needs to direct her to go back to her room and go to bed. But no. He tells her my exact location. “She’s in the bathroom.”

Snitch.

So, now I hear footsteps coming closer to the door. “Mom, are you in there?”

No response from me…I’m hiding.

“Mom, are you in there?”

“Yes. What do you want?”

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing. What do you want?”

“Are you on the potty?”

“Sure. What do you want?”

“Did you have to boo boo?”

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

“Are you mad?”

Face palm. “Omg. What do you want? I’m in the bathroom. I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Can you put on my band-aid?”

“SERIOUSLY? GO ASK YOUR DAD!”

Now, I’m rushing through the shower just so I can place my hands around my husband’s neck. He heard all of this, but didn’t rush to help me (or her for that matter). I love my kids with my entire heart, but I definitely need a new hiding place.