Journaling, Lupus

Another Flare

lupusbutterflyLupus has a way of masking itself as other ailments. In the past, I’ve had to go to opthamologists because I briefly lost sight in my eyes. They said it was swelling, gave me some medicine and told me to come back in a few days. When I lost hearing in both my ears, the audiologist said it was swelling in my ears, gave me some medicine and told me to come back in a few days. Once, my heart felt as if it was going to explode. It felt like it was too big for my chest (only way to define the pain). The emergency room physician said the tests determined that my heart was fine, the EKG didn’t show anything but gave me some Dilaudid and sent me home. It was if I’d made it up in my head, but I didn’t. So, now I just don’t go to the doctor whenever something happens. I figure it’s probably Lupus.

A couple of days ago, I started to get some swelling in my left foot. I took a couple of Extra Strength Tylenol. I figured it would just go away. It didn’t. As a matter of fact, the pain began to travel up my left side and rested in my lower pelvic area. That’s when the pain sat me down. Yesterday, I woke up and the pain was in the left side of my chest, near my heart (again). I never assume it’s a heart attack anymore, but always assume it’s Lupus.

I get tired of doctors watching me having total body spasms or pains that are out of reach inside my body and them saying that they don’t understand why it’s happening and would rather just give me prescriptions for pain, and inflammation and also muscle relaxers just to get me out of their faces. I get it. This is why I don’t go whenever I feel bad. I just take my medicines and rest. There’s really nothing else they can do. There’s no cure.

The only drawback to taking those meds is that they are so strong, I am unable to take care of myself or anyone else. I can’t do any work because it’s hard to string two thoughts together. I don’t like the high. I don’t get how people want to feel like that. It feels like an out of body experience – like things are happening around you and you can’t do anything about it.

Well, I’m writing this blog as I am coming out of the high from this last round of drugs. Some of the pain is still there, but I can function better now. I’m still a little dizzy, able to write, but not much else. I won’t push it.

Lupus sucks. Please pray for a cure.

Lavender Fields Creations, Lupus

How I Became a Purple Butterfly

So, I found out from my doctor that I have Lupus – along with Sciatica and arthritis and a few other ailments. Funny, I was only going in to get some medication for my bad knees and back and well…that escalated quickly. I was immediately placed on three new medications and given a prescription for physical therapy. Then, I was sent on my way home.

I sat in the car for a while, contemplating what she’d just told me. I had very little knowledge on the disease and hadn’t been given anything other than the medication from the doctor – not even a pamphlet. I guess I could’ve asked more questions at the time, but what was I supposed to ask? I didn’t think it was fatal. So, I did like anyone else with a computer would do – I went home and Googled it.

I found out that people don’t die from Lupus; however, they may die from the complications. I also found out that everyone is different, so different medications work differently for everyone.

For years I’d had symptoms which couldn’t be diagnosed, such as painful body spasms, migraines, fatigue, swelling and pain in my joints, pain in places that didn’t make sense. During that time, other doctors would only give me pain meds or muscle relaxers to help me rest.

The truly amazing thing that happened though with this diagnosis is that EVERYTHING that I went through made sense now. All of it could now be lumped into one category and be explained. I could now explain to my friends and family that I was crazy or lazy or faking my pain. It was a real problem. Now, I could give it to God.

It truly is an eye-opening experience that makes you appreciate life and contemplate mortality. I have learned not to stress about so many things anymore. I will either find a solution to the problem or be all right that there isn’t one or that it is out of my reach.

I’ve decided to document some of my thoughts as it pertains to my illness because I’ve found that writing is therapeutic.

Thank you for coming on this journey with me. ❤